Today at Walgreens I was rather annoyed to notice that, while the Halloween displays are still prominently featured down the center aisle of the store, at eye level so that those of us who still giggle at the idea of skull candles that drip blood out of the eyes when lit can smile happily as we pass by, the Christmas decorations are currently sitting on the top shelves of the same aisle. Waiting, as it were, like vultures. Biding their red velveteen time before they can descend upon the grinning skulls and wart-covered witches, overtake them with their tinsel and rosy-cheeked angels, and proceed to eclipse them in a holly jolly slaughter of mummies torn asunder by ravenous reindeer, groaning zombies being ripped apart by giggling, bell-bedecked elves, and gentle wailing skeletons chained to tombstones, unable to escape as the bloated, bearded Santas suck the marrow from their bones.
Fuck you, Christmas. You already command two months out of the fucking year for yourself. Couldn't you at least wait until October is over before you start your wholesale destruction of the tender, bug-eyed alien heads that want nothing more than to love us and teach us mashed potato sculpture?
At least stay the fuck out of the aisle until the first of November. After forcing "The Little Drummer Boy" on the rest of us, it's the least you could do.