Jill (wanderingrogue) wrote,

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A little Jehovah (that piece of halibut was good enough for him!)

Since this morning, I have finally figured out why my little conversation with the Jehovah's Witnesses proved to be so uneventful. First of all, I was still half asleep (I'd been trying to fix breakfast when they arrived) and caffeine-deprived. But the biggest reason was, well, I was mentally cringing at every topic of conversation they attempted to bring up. Not because I was particularly scared of confrontation (I have to deal with it daily), but because I just really didn't feel any desire to rip into these two nice old men. The conversation that took place between them and my inner monologue was somewhat as follows (my inner thoughts are italicized):

Them: *asks me if I think this time is more violent than any other time in earth's history*

My Brain: Oh, crap. Now I have to get into a discussion on human tribal history and the nature of "us vs. them" and the fact that media in this day and age is almost instantaneous so we're made aware of whenever something bad happens in the world much quicker.

Them: *asks me about what my personal beliefs are*

My Brain: Dammit, now I'm going to have to go through my whole life story of my personal religious evolution and how I came to be an atheist with a keen interest in science. I'm going to have to go through my eight years of research and studies in Biblical criticism and then they'll just wind up telling me that I'm learning from the wrong people.

(I settled with just telling them that I was an atheist and drawn to logic and science, in this case.)

Them: *asks if I knew that teenage girls thrown their babies in dumpsters even around here*

My Brain: Great, now we have to have a discussion on proper sexual education and the accessibility of birth control for teenagers.

Them: *asks if they can read some passages from the Bible*

My Brain: Oh, fuck. Where's my Bible? Now I'm going to have to bust out Biblical contradictions and this'll get into a whole big discussion about why the Bible says what it says, why it contradicts itself, and how God doesn't come out looking all that great in it. They'll then tell me that I interpreted things incorrectly, even though my sources read the earliest known copies of the documents that make up the old and new testaments.

Them: *starts talking about the tribulation and the end times*

My Brain: For the love of all that is good, someone stop me before I start lecturing these people on how people have been insisting that the end times are upon us for the last thousand years.

(To their credit, when I managed to mention this part, they did agree with me.)

Them: *talks about the "perversions" in this age running rampant*

My Brain: Oh sheeeeeuuuuuuuttttt... *in a pure act of self-survival, brain shuts down before it says something that gets the house put on some super special Jehovah's Witness gold star proselytize program*

Me: (speaking) Listen, I'd love to chat a bit longer, but I really do have to get ready for work now.

My Brain: You seem like perfectly nice people, but I don't know how fast you might go from "nice" to "torch the house of Sodom!", so please leave before my master Satan arrives for the Christian Baby Barbecue and I have to take up my position on the Rack of Throbbing Dildos for today's bukkake session.
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